Chasing Amy’s Heart

Today I watched “An Evening With Kevin Smith.” Kevin wrote and directed such movies as “Clerks,” “Dogma,” and “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.” One of movies he made was “Chasing Amy.” When watching “An Evening” the lesbian issue came up when a person named Lala self identified herself as a lesbian. She asked Kevin if he was perpetuating “the myth” that all a lesbian needs is a good man to turn them straight. Honestly, this kind of question pisses me the fuck off. I’m not pissed at Kevin Smith, but the tight asses that get their panties in a bunch because of this movie. A synopsis at Kevin’s site explains it best:

“I wanted to make the film,” Smith further explains, “to further explore how two people’s love for one another can alter their own perceptions about themselves. What and who we think we and others are changes all the time. Points of view, obsessions, insecurities, everything shapes our self-image. Although Alyssa says she is gay, she doesn’t feel constrained by her sexual orientation. So, is she by definition gay? My gay friends say no. She couldn’t fall in love with Holden if she were. OK, then what is she? Is she what she thinks she is or what Holden thinks she is, or none of the above?”

“You can’t judge her,” he continues. “She’s still experimenting with her life, making up her mind who she is. She’s made her choices and will make others. I can empathize with both of them but Alyssa is the stronger of the two. She walks into the situation with her eyes open while Holden’s vision is narrowed by his limited perspectives and experiences.” Says Smith: “Holden hasn’t figured it all out yet. Alyssa is in the process of learning it.”

I get miffed when lesbian identified women make derogatory comments about the movie. Kevin’s perspective focuses on love, while their perspective is one that would make this simply a genetics debate. Out of this foolish debate is where the idea that bisexuality doesn’t exist comes from.

There are people in this world that look for love, not just a penis or a vagina. We aren’t confused. We aren’t lying.

If we are male and decide to be in a relationship, is it not a gay relationship? A couple in our local Bi group is a lesbian couple. Are they not in a lesbian relationship because one of them self identifies as bisexual but isn’t practicing?

I refuse to feel the need to justify my transsexuality or my sexual orientation to anyone. If I chose to do something that helps me to live a healthy, productive life, how is that anyone else’s business? If I love myself, and I’m loved… how is that a bad thing?

So ya… bisexuals do exist.

Gays, lesbians, and heterosexuals, please do me a favor…get the fuck over it.

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7 thoughts on “Chasing Amy’s Heart”

  1. I think you’ve got it right. kevin is also right, and amazing as it doesn’t seem to you i think you have a great point bringing this topic up. nobody can know themselves without finding themselves. in my life i know it’s taking some time to do just that. i hope that people will understand that more in the future about others.

    Sydney

  2. I think you’ve got it right. kevin is also right, and amazing as it doesn’t seem to you i think you have a great point bringing this topic up. nobody can know themselves without finding themselves. in my life i know it’s taking some time to do just that. i hope that people will understand that more in the future about others.

    Sydney

  3. Kevin’s explanation of what he was trying to convey is great, and I have no quibble with it at all. But that explanation of Alyssa’s motives certainly doesn’t come out in the film, and that was the problem for me.

    When you look at lesbian’s reaction to this film, you have to also take into consideration why we’re having such a negative response. There is an absolutely relentless stereotype about lesbians that we really are just waiting around for the right guy/penis to show up, and we constantly have to battle that perception. On any given night in the lesbian bar, there are two or three guys using their girlfriends to troll for a pick-up for a three-way. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to blow off guys trying to pick me up, even when I’m in a space where I think I should be safe from that. And not to get too intense about it, but the guy who broke into my apartment and raped me in college was doing it to “teach me to like dick.”

    It’s not terribly surprising that the subtlety of what Smith was trying to convey doesn’t make it’s way past all that.

    Given that Smith (who’s work I LOVE btw) has made more than one film where a female character who self-identifies as lesbian ends up having an affair with a man, I wonder why he had such a fascination with the subject.

  4. Kevin’s explanation of what he was trying to convey is great, and I have no quibble with it at all. But that explanation of Alyssa’s motives certainly doesn’t come out in the film, and that was the problem for me.

    When you look at lesbian’s reaction to this film, you have to also take into consideration why we’re having such a negative response. There is an absolutely relentless stereotype about lesbians that we really are just waiting around for the right guy/penis to show up, and we constantly have to battle that perception. On any given night in the lesbian bar, there are two or three guys using their girlfriends to troll for a pick-up for a three-way. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to blow off guys trying to pick me up, even when I’m in a space where I think I should be safe from that. And not to get too intense about it, but the guy who broke into my apartment and raped me in college was doing it to “teach me to like dick.”

    It’s not terribly surprising that the subtlety of what Smith was trying to convey doesn’t make it’s way past all that.

    Given that Smith (who’s work I LOVE btw) has made more than one film where a female character who self-identifies as lesbian ends up having an affair with a man, I wonder why he had such a fascination with the subject.

  5. I understand what you’re saying here Steph, but isn’t that a bit much to pin on Kevin. I mean this is the creator of such phrases as “Snoochy bootchy!”

    As far as being hit on in a “lesbian bar,” I don’t think I’ve ever been in a gay bar that was strictly inhabited by lesbians. Unless you wear a T-shirt that says “I HATE DICK – I AM A LESBIAN!” should it be assumed your a lesbian? If those couples looking for a three way hit on you, are they committing an act of violence against you?

    Being a polyamorous transsexual bisexual has taught me a lot about the fluidity of sexuality and gender and the different variations and sexual possiblities.

    As far as stereotypes go, I’ve found quite a few in the lesbian community as well. I’m part of Indy BiVersity and I’ve heard quite a few women (and I personally know women that claim to be lesbian, but have dated or will sleep with men) complain of being shut out of the lesbian community when they reveal their bisexuality. Being in the transcommunity I’ve experienced this as well. Many times when a same sex partner decides to change his or her sex, many in the lesbian community shun the couple!

    This is why I have such an issue with the search for a “gay gene.” Sexuality is much more fluid and complex than people think. People should be able to make choices in their life about how they want to live based on their rights as citizens and human beings.

  6. No, I don’t think it’s too much to pin on Kevin, since he obviously attempted to address a very complex subject, and one that is a flashpoint for many women. And even after all the discussion and controversy surrounding Chasing Amy, he did something very similar in another movie, and didn’t do a good job of addressing the complexity there, either.

    At the Ten, I’d say you should assume I’m a lesbian until you know otherwise, no matter what is on my t-shirt. No, I don’t think they couples trolling for a three-way are committing an act of violence. More like an act of ever-present annoyance. However, there are lots of acts of homophobia manifested as violence directed at lesbian women by straight men, including rape, and it is an ever-present thought in women’s minds. If lesbians are defensive about their sexual orientation, IMHO it’s because they have good reason to be.

    I’ve heard the claim about bisexuals “being shut out of” the lesbian community, too, but I’ve never actually seen anyone ostracize a bisexual woman, ever. I’m not sure what constitutes “being shut out of.”

  7. No, I don’t think it’s too much to pin on Kevin, since he obviously attempted to address a very complex subject, and one that is a flashpoint for many women. And even after all the discussion and controversy surrounding Chasing Amy, he did something very similar in another movie, and didn’t do a good job of addressing the complexity there, either.

    At the Ten, I’d say you should assume I’m a lesbian until you know otherwise, no matter what is on my t-shirt. No, I don’t think they couples trolling for a three-way are committing an act of violence. More like an act of ever-present annoyance. However, there are lots of acts of homophobia manifested as violence directed at lesbian women by straight men, including rape, and it is an ever-present thought in women’s minds. If lesbians are defensive about their sexual orientation, IMHO it’s because they have good reason to be.

    I’ve heard the claim about bisexuals “being shut out of” the lesbian community, too, but I’ve never actually seen anyone ostracize a bisexual woman, ever. I’m not sure what constitutes “being shut out of.”

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