As I was getting ready for work, I sat at my PC and talked with on of my favorite LJ’ers, angiewarhol, about “The Justice League” and it somehow fired of a synapse that triggered a memory about my childhood.
I get very few crystal clear glimpses of my past and my transsexuality. Usually, it is just a warm memory that is fuzzy at best. For some reason, tonight I remembered a theatrical presentation of Robin Hood that my 3rd grade class (not sure exactly sure of the grade) was presenting. As one of the merry men of Robin’s troup, I had to wear tights. This made me extremely uncomfortable! How wierd, to feel that same uncomfortableness, all these years later! I can still taste the anxiety and dread….. I was worried that someone might figure out my hidden desire. How wearing those tights made me feel things that I would rather not feel. Looking back, when I wore the tights I felt pretty, feminine, and soft. Those were feelings a young boy in a family of homophobes and bigots shouldnt feel. To bad that little boy/girl wasnt allowed to express who she was….
Its taken her 35 years, and shes is still trying to crawl out from under than shame. The difference is, she has loving, supportive people around her now. 🙂